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She was confident she had found the answer to teaching children, and again, she dove in with all her might. She brought thoughts and ideas to me from Miss Mason’s writings that so invigorated her, so energized her, so resonated with her very soul. She started reading Charlotte Mason’s writings on educating children. That was, of course, until the “pink books” found their way to our bookshelf. It was hard, and many times frustrating to the point of wishing she could just let herself give up. She felt like, in spite of all these efforts she was missing the mark. She planned and scheduled and conversed and pretty much gave up her entire life to make educating these kids the thing she did all day, and turned around to learn about in the evenings. She dove in, educating herself about methods and curriculum. She went about caring for their education like she does everything surrounding her family’s well-being. But listening to my wife, and reassured that we could change our course if things didn’t work out I agreed. I wasn’t sure that was a good idea, and I had fears of socially-inept kids who lived in plastic bubbles and had no idea what the world was really like.
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When Sandra came to me one day as our twins were reaching school age and said, “I think we should homeschool the twins,” I must admit I resisted the idea. If I stopped reading, would anyone notice? How could I claim to abide in my Savior and to keep His commands when His words were falling from my memory as quickly as I closed the Bible? I prayed and begged for an improved memory, that His words would dwell richly in me and that I would be changed more and more into His likeness.īut I struggled for months. My faith was strong, but I couldn’t shake the conviction that I wasn’t measuring up to Jesus’ words, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word” (John 14:23, ESV, 2016), and “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you” (John 15:7, ESV, 2016). Yet now I felt less like the Christian Warrior taking up the sword of the Spirit, and more like the man James spoke about, who looks at himself in a mirror, and going away at once forgets what he looks like. I’d wake early and read the section from my Bible-reading plan, checking the box that proved I read it. Over the next several months I noticed this same pattern.
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I faithfully woke early to read and pray. I faithfully checked off “Read Scripture” from my to-do list every morning. It was only noon and I already could not remember what I had read only 6 hours ago. Why, just this morning I was reading…” and it struck me.
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All day long, the words came back to me and I was distressed with what I was seeing in myself. It’s what we do.” I encouraged my friend as such and went about my day, but I wrestled with those words like a toy poodle gnawing on a brontosaurus femur. “Of course people would notice,” I thought to myself. It flew in the face of everything I believed to be true and to be my solemn duty as a Christian man, husband, and father. The statement caught me off guard and took me back a step. “If I stopped reading the Bible, I sometimes wonder if anyone would notice.”